"Word 4 Word" by Moneybagg Yo (2021) I remember the first time I heard that line. My husband was blasting Word 4 Word in our living room, and I was doing what I always did - yelling at him to turn it down. But something made me stop mid-sentence. Little did I know, that through the bass and the beats, those words would later hit me like a punch to the chest. At first, I took it for what it was. Just another hard-hitting track filled with street wisdom. The usual reminders to stay ready, trust no one, and always keep your eyes open. It's the language of survival, passed down not through gentle stories, but through warnings, instincts, and lived experience. I didn’t think much of it at the time. But later that night, when the house had settled into silence and everything around me was still, those lyrics kept replaying in my mind. Not just as words, but as something deeper. Something inherited. I reached for my phone and opened YouTube. The song was still there in the wat...
"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives." – Akshay Dubey
Have you ever found yourself on the brink of something great, a new relationship, a job opportunity, or a personal goal, only to somehow pull away, shut down, or talk yourself out of it? You’re not alone. This is what’s often called self-sabotage, and for many, it’s more than just a bad habit, it’s the hidden legacy of generational trauma.
What is Self-Sabotage?
Self-sabotage refers to behaviors or thought patterns that hold us back from achieving our goals and experiencing happiness. These can include procrastination, perfectionism, negative self-talk, substance abuse, or repeatedly undermining relationships and opportunities. While anyone can fall into these patterns, research shows that individuals with a history of trauma, especially inter-generational trauma, are significantly more prone to them.
According to psychologists, trauma doesn't just disappear; it gets stored in the body and mind, often passed down through behaviors, beliefs, and emotional patterns from one generation to the next. Dr. Rachel Yehuda, a leading researcher in the field of epigenetics and trauma, has found evidence that trauma can even affect gene expression in descendants of trauma survivors, such as children of Holocaust survivors or those whose families endured slavery, war, or systemic oppression.
How Trauma Leads to Self-Sabotage
When someone grows up in an environment marked by emotional instability, neglect, or fear, they often internalize limiting beliefs, like “I’m not good enough,” “I don’t deserve love,” or “Good things never last.” These beliefs, passed down through generations, can create an internal conflict between the desire for success and a deep-seated fear of it.
This leads to patterns such as:
✔ Setting unrealistic expectations and then feeling crushed by failure.
✔Sabotaging relationships by pushing people away or mistrusting healthy love.
✔Avoiding success because happiness feels unfamiliar or unsafe.
As author and trauma expert Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains in The Body Keeps the Score, people who have experienced trauma often struggle to feel safe in their own bodies and minds. Even when life is objectively "better," they may unconsciously recreate chaos because it's what feels familiar.
The Hope: Awareness & Healing
Here’s the good news, self-sabotage is not a personal flaw. It’s a survival strategy that may have helped you or your ancestors navigate pain or danger. Once you recognize this, the journey toward healing becomes not just possible but powerful.
Healing starts with self-awareness. Ask yourself:
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Where might this fear of success or stability be coming from?
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What messages did I absorb from my family about love, worth, or achievement?
Then, take small, consistent steps:
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Therapy - especially trauma-informed therapy like EMDR or somatic experiencing, can help rewire deeply held beliefs.
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Journal and Mindfulness can bring clarity to unconscious patterns.
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Connecting with Community - especially with others on similar healing paths, can reduce shame and build resilience.
And remember, research shows that healing is not only possible, it's transforming. A 2018 study published in The Journal of Traumatic Stress found that trauma survivors who engaged in meaningful therapy not only reduced their symptoms but also reported increased self-esteem, emotional regulation, and life satisfaction.
Final Thought
If you recognize self-sabotage in your life, don’t be discouraged. Instead, see it as a signpost—a clue that there's healing to be done. You’re not broken. You’re carrying a story, and you have the power to write the next chapter. The fact that you’re even reading this means you’re already doing the work. Keep going.
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